Love Above All Pain
by Snaily
Summary: Bella and Edward are married and living in Alaska. Bella seizes the oppurtunity and is transformed into a vampire. how will she adjust? Will she be able to control herself?
1. Love Above All Pain

* * *

**Love Above All Pain**

I lay in the cool, strong arms of my Edward, my husband. His breath came slowly and evenly; I felt it on the skin of my neck. His thumb gently massaged my upper arm through my sleeve. I felt so relaxed…it was now or never.

I rolled over to face him, kissing him lightly on the lips. I rested my forehead against his and smiled lightly. His golden eyes watched me; there was a depth to them I could barely begin to comprehend. What I did see, though, I understood.

The love there took my breath away. It traveled deeper into those molten pools than any other emotion I could detect. I didn't think I could ever learn to accept it completely. But still, around the edges, I saw worry, and maybe a little caution. He leaned in and kissed me across my lips, stopping at the corner of my mouth.

I was surprised with myself. I didn't have to concentrate on breathing for a change.

"Edward…" I breathed.

His eyes glanced up at me, the concern in his eyes becoming a little more pronounced.

"Bella…?" he asked. He reached up and brushed some hair off my temple. He checked to make sure I was awake, and not sleep-talking. I wasn't.

I was quiet for a moment. He searched my face, probably wondering desperately what I was thinking. My eyes met his, and he seemed to understand.

"Bite me, Edward."

A frown played at the corners of his mouth, but then he smiled a sad smile. "You're ready now?"

I ran my fingertips along his cheek. "As ready as I'll ever be." He nodded briefly. He shifted his position on the bed, propping himself up with an elbow. He kissed me again, a little more forcefully this time, placing his cool hand on my cheek.

"Bella… my life, my love. Remember that I will always love you, no matter what happens. Always remember that. Promise me."

I watched him, surprised for a moment. "I…I promise." I thought for moment. "Remember the same thing for me. I love you more than anything, ever. No matter what happens, always remember."

"I promise," Edward whispered. "I love you." He leaned closer, and I braced myself.

I let out a garbled cry as I felt his teeth a little to the right of my throat. I felt like being stung by a dozen bees at the same time. But the pain from the bite was minimal compared to what was coming. The venom started traveling through my blood stream. I gasped, having forgotten to breathe.

Then I felt the pain at my throat, and I started choking, trying to catch air. It felt like my throat was stuffed with cotton. Burning cotton.

And then, my heart beat. I screamed as it spread the fire down my arms. I heard Edward give a strangled cry. His weight left the bed, and in the next instant he was taking my hand on the other side of me. He was keeling on the floor. I thought I felt him trembling, but it could have easily been me. I screamed again.

"Bella…Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm so—sorry." He was choking on his words.

"Sh-shut…up…Edward," I gasped through the fire in my throat. "I…wanted…this…" I cried out as I felt a stab in my chest. I didn't understand how I found the will to try to be funny through the pain. It didn't work; his cool forehead was still pressed to my hand. "I love you!" I cried.

I wanted to make this easier on him. I had to, I owed him that. But my thoughts became clouded and I screamed again. The fire began creeping down my legs, like a dozen knifes slowly slicing me into little bits.

My last coherent thought led me to whip around and grab a pillow, screaming as I did. I stuffed the corner of it into my mouth so he didn't have to hear me scream.

* * *

Suddenly, I could breathe again. I'd pretty much succumbed to the pain, so the sensation of drawing breath shocked me. I was afraid of the terrible rattling sound of my breath though. How long had it been?

And then I knew. I knew because the pain had faded from my toes, leaving them numb. It felt like I was defrosting, or something of that nature. There was a distinct line where the pain ended and the numbness began, and it was still moving up my body. The line traveled over my calves, closer to my knees. It was like stepping into water.

When the line reached my knees, my fingers started numbing, too. Then there were two more lines, one going up each arm. When they reached my elbows, I felt one last line forming, at the root of my scalp. The line traveled down my face, and everything above the line began to feel like ice. Almost like a liquid ice, actually. I could move my eyebrows and nose respectively, something I hadn't been able to do in three days because I'd feared causing myself even more pain. I opened my eyes, but everything was blurry. I blinked a couple of times and then was startled as my vision abruptly became sharper, much sharper than I'd ever remembered it.

I began to listen to my heart beat as the lines moved closer inward, closing in on it.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Finally, all lines hit center, and I gasped as a burst of pain, not fire, but ice this time, pierced my heart.

And then it was silent.

I shivered, and then numbness began to melt away, but less conspicuously. I was distracted by a dry sob from next to me. I turned my head (without pain, I realized with silent jubilation), and I saw Edward on one knee next to me. His forehead was buried into his upper knee, his hands pressing down against the back of his head. I felt a stab of pain through my heart…or did I? I know I felt the stab, I just wasn't sure if it was actually in my heart anymore.

As the last of the numbness melted away, I turned onto my side and reached out to him, lightly touching his hands. I felt his sharp intake of breath. One of his hands folded on top of mine, and he lifted his head. His eyes were now black, endless tunnels of emotions that were too numerous to name them all.

His lips trembled. "Bell…Bella?" he asked, as quietly as a whisper.

"I'm here, Edward." The sound of my own voice startled me. It was, somehow, softer…silkier than before. He seemed to notice the surprise on my face and half-smiled. He moved closer to the bed, on both knees now. He lifted my hand and began kissing my fingertips, one by one. I moved my other hand around to trace his face, all the way down to his collarbone and the contours of his shoulder.

He inhaled deeply, running my fingers that were still in his grasp across his nose, up around his eyes, and onto his cheek.

"Bella…can you ever forgive me?" he asked, closing his eyes. He breathed in again.

I would have been angry with him, but I couldn't make myself. At this moment, I felt nothing but remorse for what I'd made him go through.

"Edward…of course I can. But what I want to know is: can _you_ forgive _me_?" I asked. He looked up at me, a shocked and surprised look on his face.

"Bella? Love, what are you talking about?" he asked, pain ripping his voice.

"I mean, I was so selfish. I didn't think about what I was doing to you," I said, looking away from his face for a moment. I paused. "These past three days have probably been worse for you than they have for me." I gave a humorless laugh.

Before I registered what happened, he was up and kissing me, gathering me in his arms. He smothered me with kisses from my forehead to my neck. Every part of my face that he could reach, he kissed. My ears, under my eyes, my neck, you name it. I kissed him back when I could catch him with my lips. His fingers ran through my hair and held my head up. I wrapped my arms around him, tangling my fingers in his hair.

A few moments later, it stopped. He held my head tightly to his chest. "Bella! My love, I love you more than anything I've ever known in my drawn-out existence. You…you're too good for me. I feel like I don't deserve you sometimes."

"I feel the same way about you," I murmured into his chest. He kissed the top of my head. "But you're mine and I'm yours. Nothing, nothing on this earth will ever change that."

"You're right. Nothing," Edward laughed slightly. And I stayed there, tight in his arms, never wanting the moment to end. He took my chin in his hand and lifted my face to his. His kissed me deeply then, deeper than he ever had before. He lowered me onto my back and rested beside me. He smiled at me.

"What is it?" he asked, seeming to notice the confusion that had appeared on my face.

"I don't know. I feel…the same, but completely different at the same time," I replied.

He chuckled. "It does feel like that at first."

I breathed out, and then laughed. "I keep expecting to hear my heart beat. I guess I'm gonna have to get used to being disappointed."

Edward looked sad at this. "Yes, I guess I will, too."

I couldn't bear to see him sad, so I stroked his cool face with the tips of my fingers. He closed his eyes, and I ran my thumb along his eyelids. Then, I took my fingers away and began examining them. They too, were different. They felt longer, and my fingernails, which had been chewed short, were clean and long. Edward noticed and took my hand in his.

"What do I look like, Edward?" I asked. It was the first time I'd actually wondered about it since I "woke up." I wasn't sure what I had become.

"Beautiful," said Edward, "as always." I laughed quietly.

"You might be a little biased," I pointed out, smiling.

"Maybe, maybe not," he said with a smile of his own.

"Really though," I pressed. I was really starting to wonder!

"Why don't you go see for yourself?" Edward said. I grazed my eyes over his face twice before nodding. I stood up. I felt Edward stand up behind me, his arm stretched out protectively, in case I fell. I half expected to, but I didn't even wobble.

"Well, that was easier that I thought," I said, amused. "But we'll have to see whether being a vampire will overcome my perpetual clumsiness." I flashed a smile. "I doubt it will."

This made him laugh. I walked over to the bathroom that was joined to our room. It had the largest mirror in our house. I kept my eyes on the floor until I was standing in front of the mirror. I slowly looked up, scanning my eyes over my pajama-clad body. When I reached my face, I gasped.

My skin was as pale as Edward's. My dark brown hair contrasted against it, and my lips seemed redder. I felt like Snow White. I tugged at my hair and realized it that it was almost six inches longer and angled. The longest point fell almost to my waist.

I also noticed that my pajamas didn't fit quite right, either. They served their purpose, but they felt tight in odd places and loose in places that they shouldn't. I couldn't detect any difference in my height, but that was fine with me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was one more thing that I'd refused to look at up to this point. My eyes.

I opened my eyes, incredibly afraid of what I would see. I drew in a sharp breath, horrified by my burning, scarlet eyes. It reminded me of the vampires of the Volturi, the ones who'd lured innocent tourists into their tower and slaughtered them. It hurt, resembling them. I wanted to look like Edward! I closed my eyes. If I could still cry, I'd probably be close to tears.

I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist, felt his chin rest on my shoulder. "Bella, love, don't worry. It'll go away."

I sighed without opening my eyes. "Is that a promise?" I asked.

"No," he said, kissing my neck. "It's a vow."

I turned around and kissed him. He smiled and led me out of the room. He took me around the waist and together we walked outside for my first breath of fresh air as a vampire.


	2. Spruces and Surprises

**COME ON!! It's Edward and Bella, how could I resist writing another chapter??? I like this chapter, becasue Bella gets her first taste of what it's like to be a vampire. We're talking major headaches, here! lol. Plus, there's a cliffie! I love cliffies, because it means I have to keep writing. Yay! I hope you enjoy it! Read and Review, please!**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Spruces and Surprises**

I just about went crazy when we got outside.

The enhanced scent of everything around hit me like a bulldozer, driving me to the ground. I collapsed onto my knees, clutching my head. Edward kneeled down next to me, keeping one arm on my back.

"Bella! Listen to me, stop breathing!" he said, calmly but urgently.

I gasped, trying to shut out the intensity of everything around me. "Are…you…crazy?!" I exclaimed.

"Bella, you don't need to breathe, remember?" he said, rubbing circles into my back.

"Oh…right!" I said. I held my breath, and slowly, my clouded brain began to set itself right again. "This is very uncomfortable!" I said after a few minutes.

"I know. But it helps until you can keep control," Edward said. "Now, how do you feel?"

"Like I just rammed my head into a boulder," I muttered. I lifted my head, looking into his dark eyes. "When can I start breathing again?" I asked. My chest was starting to hurt.

"When you feel like you're ready," Edward replied. I nodded.

I braced myself and breathed in again.

It hit me again, hard, but it wasn't as overwhelming as before. I tried to relax and adjust, and it wasn't as hard this time. It was still more than I was used to, but I managed.

"Try to focus on one smell in particular. The trees, for example," Edward instructed as he helped me to my feet.

"Okay." I closed my eyes and focused on the scent of the pine trees that surrounded us. It took me a minute to find it in the blur of all the other scents; it was like rifling through a file cabinet for something you remembered, but had recently lost. Then, I found it. I breathed in deeply, making sure the only thing I smelt was the pine trees.

"Now, let the scent take you over," said Edward, holding my shoulders. "Don't think about anything else."

I tried to do as he said. I let myself concentrate on the smell of the pine trees, until nothing else was in my mind. When I closed my eyes, I saw the color green.

I felt Edward's arms leave my shoulder for three seconds. I could tell he'd gone somewhere, but I didn't know where. But even that thought was minuscule in comparison with the magnitude of the smell. I suddenly felt a soft cloth around my eyes, and Edward's hands tying it around my face.

"I just blindfolded you," Edward whispered in my ear. His breath wrapped around my ear like a ribbon. "I want you to find the nearest pine tree, using only your sense of smell. Can you manage?"

"Yeah, I think so," I breathed. I stepped forward, feeling the crunch of our gravel driveway beneath my feet. I took a breath, and turned to my right, where I sensed the smell was strongest. The gravel became long grass, making my footsteps silent. I altered my direction slightly, walking toward the scent as it got stronger and stronger. I kept a hand out in front of me, so I wouldn't walk into anything.

I moved forward, not letting my thoughts stray, until the tips of my fingers brushed something rough. I pressed my whole palm against it, and felt that it was indeed wood. The scent was overwhelming now, but not unpleasant. I sensed Edward beside me, although I hadn't heard him approach or follow me.

"How did I do?" I asked him.

"Depends on what tree were you looking for," Edward said. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders.

"Pine," I replied.

"Ah. You were close. This is a spruce, love." He smiled and touched my nose with the tip of his finger. I lifted my hands and lowered the handkerchief.

"So it is," I said, smiling. "You know; had I gone a little farther left I would have gotten the pine?"

"Bella, you did wonderfully for the first time," Edward said. "I'm very proud of you."

"Thanks," I muttered, pleased but embarrassed. He kissed the corner of my mouth. I turned my head so he could reach and kiss me fully.

"Do you want to try again?" he asked. I deliberated for a moment.

"No. I think I'm starting to get a little headache," I replied truthfully.

"Completely understandable. Let's go inside, shall we?" Edward asked, taking my hand. I nodded with a smile. I felt much better when I got inside; there was less to smell there. My headache ebbed away pretty quickly.

I guess being a vampire is a little more difficult than I thought.

* * *

"That was…interesting," I said, sitting next to Edward on our couch. He draped an arm over my shoulder, and I cuddled into his chest.

"In a good way or a bad way?" Edward asked, half-smiling.

"I don't know just yet," I admitted, ducking my head. "It was kind of…scary, but totally awesome at the same time."

"Mmm," he said, contemplating.

"But it gets scarier, right?" I asked, correctly interpreting his expression. He glanced at me sadly. "Hey, I knew what was coming, didn't I?" I said.

"You thought you did," Edward said.

"Please stop being so morbid," I groaned. He sighed.

"So, how are your other senses coming in?" he asked, casually changing the subject.

I shrugged and followed his lead. "I've noticed my eyesight is a lot sharper. That came on right when I woke up. I haven't actually experienced the extra hearing yet. I know what the smell feels like. But…" I paused, embarrassed.

"What are you embarrassed about?" he asked.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind!" I exclaimed, my face drawing into horror.

"I can't," Edward laughed. "I can read your face. Even if you don't blush," he added.

"Well, you can't make me say," I said stubbornly. I folded my arms and made a juvenile pouty face.

"I think I can," Edward breathed. He bent his face toward mine, tracing his lips from my earlobe to the corner of my mouth. I shivered, but I refused to look at him. I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to resist his beautiful golden eyes.

He continued tracing his lips along my jaw line. Then he moved up and started trailing my cheekbone.

"You're not playing fair," I muttered, but I leaned my head back so he could reach my lips.

"So what was it you were…trying to tell me?" Edward said, raising his eyebrows.

I hesitated. "I was thinking back to when we were in Italy. Aro said he thought I had potential for a…gift, if I were changed into a vampire. Well….it's going to sound stupid, but I was wondering…"

Edward looked amused. "Is that what you're worried about? Bella, love, you've been a vampire for all of two hours. It's not going to happen that quickly." But he smiled at me, his eyes twinkling. I knew that if I could still blush, I would be bright red right now. He kissed me again.

Then, he abruptly sat upright. "Listen," he murmured. I strained my ears, but it wasn't as difficult as I thought. I heard voices.

"How far away are they?" I asked, alarmed.

"They're coming up the driveway," Edward said. "They're our neighbors…and they're human."


	3. Defying Nature

**Yay! Another chapter! Enjoy, and Please Read and Review!**

* * *

**Defying Nature**

****

Before I could even gasp, Edward swept me up into his arms and ran up to our bedroom. He set me on the bed and held me down with an iron grip.

"Bella, promise me you'll do whatever I say," Edward said, his eyes wide. It almost frightened me, but I was too distracted.

"Anything, just tell me what to do! I don't want to hurt anyone!" I said.

"I know," he assured me. "But it'll be hard. Now listen. Try not to breathe for as long as you can. Don't breath through your nose. When you do feel like you have to breathe, think about everything but what you smell. And, whatever you do, _don't leave this room_! Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes, I understand," I said. I was starting to become afraid, not of him, but of myself.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Edward said, kissing my forehead. And he rushed out of the room, locking the door behind him.

I listened and heard the car pull up and stop in front of our front door. Then, the most appetizing smell wafted its way through the house. It smelt like apples and cinnamon. And there was another scent with it; it reminded me of firewood. Together, the smells were so delicious…it made me thirsty. So thirsty, in fact, my throat started to burn.

Despite what I told myself, I wanted it. I wanted it badly. Then, the words that Edward had told me sparked in my brain, giving me control for a split second. In that second, I realized that I was smelling blood, the blood of our neighbors. It was what was making me thirsty! I remembered Edward. _Don't breathe_, I told myself.

I held my breath and pinched my nose. I buried my face in the pillow, trying everything to distract me from the scent. I found that even though I wasn't breathing, the scent echoed in my memory, trying to yank me from my senses. Soon, it became painful not breathing.

I tried to think about something else before I took a breath, but I couldn't. I gasped, and the wonderful smell landed on my tongue, tempting me. I tried not to scream in frustration, but it was hard. Soon, I couldn't resist anymore. I leapt off the bed. My throat, tongue, and nose burned with thirst. I strode toward the door, yanking at the handle. It was locked. I thought I'd be able to rip it right off its hinges, but something stopped me. It was like there were a thousand locks on the door! I removed my hands from the handle to realize that I'd crumpled it into a shapeless lump. I slammed against the door with my shoulder, trying with all my might to get through.

I heard voices in the foyer. One voice, female, belonged to the apple-cinnamon flavor. The other, burnt wood scent had a voice that sounded male. And then there was Edward's voice. A brief glint of reason shot through me. These smells belonged to people, people just like who I used to be! And I wanted to kill them. I tore my hands away from the door, rushing back over to the bed. I pinned my face into the bed cover, shutting my eyes and trying not to breathe. And this is how I forced myself to stay.

I let out a pathetic, desperate moan. I was horrified of myself! How could I lose control like this? I wanted to cry. I don't know how long it was before I heard several clicking noises outside my door. It could have been hours. Then, Edward opened the door, peering in at me with a pained look on his face.

"Edward…" I moaned. He came to me, cradling me in his arms.

"Don't worry, love, they're gone," he said, trying to soothe me.

"But their _smell_ isn't!" I cried. "Edward, they smelled so good! I wanted them! I'm so terrible!" I sobbed tearless sobs into his chest. My hands clenched at the collar of his shirt. He held a hand over them, running his thumb along the back of my hand.

"No, no, Bella. Don't ever say that," Edward said in a strained voice. "You're wonderful."

"No I'm not!" I wailed.

"Yes, you are. Anyone less wonderful than you would've found some way to come down and attack them, but you kept control of yourself! Don't you see?" He rubbed my back in rough circles and pressed his lips to my hair. I continued to sob.

I stayed like that until the smell of our neighbors faded from my memory. "Edward," I whispered. "Thank you."

"For what, Bella?"

"For keeping me sane," I said, laughing humorlessly. "I don't know what would've happened if it weren't for you."

Edward gazed at me quietly, smiling slightly. "I love you," he said.

"So, what were they like?" I asked, the human side of me starting to make an appearance.

"They were a husband and wife, middle-aged. The woman was Joanna. She had black hair and tan skin, with dark brown eyes." he said, a smile fluttering across his face. I smiled too. "Her husband's name was Stephen, and he looked like he's descended from the native people."

I closed my eyes and tried to picture the couple.

"They were very friendly. They brought us apple crisp," he said.

"Mmm, sounds good," I said, smirking. He laughed.

"You forget that human food doesn't taste the same anymore," he said.

"Oh, well darn!" I said, frowning. He laughed and kissed my forehead. "So what did you tell them?" I asked.

"About the food? Nothing," Edward replied.

"No, about me. I'm sure they were wondering where I was," I said.

"Oh, yes! Yes, they asked. I told them you were sick with the stomach flu."

"Well, that's appropriate," I muttered. He squeezed me tighter.

"They were surprised at how young I was," said Edward.

"How old did you tell them you were?" I asked. He couldn't tell them he was seventeen, which he was. He couldn't tell them he was one hundred and seven, which he also was. If we counted by Forks time, he was nineteen.

"I made it an even twenty," he said with a shrug. "You're twenty-one."

"I can handle twenty-one," I said.

"That's what I figured," he said. We laughed, but then were quiet for a few moments.

"I'm very proud of you," Edward said quietly.

"Don't be. Please," I said, closing my eyes.

"How can't I? My new vampire wife just denied her nature and put herself through who knows how much pain, for me. You don't know how much that means to me, Bella."

"And you've been putting yourself through intense pain since the minute you met me. Let's not compare." I touched my hand to his face, stroking his cheekbone. He covered my hand with his, shutting his eyes. I took his other hand and kissed it softly.

"I'm never going to win, am I?" Edward said.

"Probably not. Unless you really, really want to."

"And what if I really, really want to right now?" he asked.

"Then maybe I'll let you. Maybe," I said, teasing him.

"What do I have to do?" he asked, humoring me. I sat up a little and pressed my lips to his. He held my head up and kissed me back, giving me what I wanted.

When we both broke apart to breathe, I said, "Okay, okay. You win."

"I'm happy to hear that," he said, lifting me up and sort of spinning me around before setting me on my feet. Then, he whispered in my ear. "Let's go running."


End file.
